He emerged in front of me every day till the past month. I used to prate about him to my best of friends. Our conversations were always about him. Looking at him every day was the source of my survival. But a few months ago, the only common connection we had came to end. We had graduated school and I had jitters the moment I brought myself to realize this. I have taken a shine for him; A pretty strong one. It wasn’t going to be easy.
I had to let him know and so, all I knew were words; The words that made me powerful; Those beautiful words I crafted; Those admirable words my mind weaved, day after day. All my letters were filled with love poems.
“My eyes shine !
Because you are mine !
Everything seems fresh and new
Because of you !
And you’re not just a part,
You’re my heart !
There is no one like you
I love you !
In this world you’re the best
Among the rest !
To me where you are is home
And you, you and everything about you is welcome !
And I’m still breathing
Because I know I have you,
I love you !!”
I wrote. I crafted words upon words, letters upon letters, and mesmerizing essays that would let any one reading it fall in love with me. “Love” ! Oh what a powerful emotion. What an able word to use. “I love you! “ I used to say. I listened to his soothing voice in the flapping of the pages of my book. I saw his eyes in every eye that looked my way. I felt his fragrance in every effluvium my senses took in. I found him in my dreams, in my reality and in my words. So I had to tell him.
All of those letters, curated with love and innocence, laid patiently inside my cloth box. I couldn’t afford to let the papers get tainted. All of those letters had a little bit of me and a sweepingly huge part of him, in them. I took out the letters one by one and felt the stain of the hard-pressed ink on the smooth touches of the paper. “I have lived my life with him through these letters. After all they are little pieces of my heart” I smiled.
I carefully took out all the letters I had neatly stowed away and placed it in order inside the huge cloth box. I infused my scent over the letters and closed it carefully.
My eyes flashed to the present and here I was standing in front of the post box, clasping the enormous box of letters in my hand. A drop of tear came trickling down my cheek and fell on the box of love. I wiped it away and looked at my phone, at his Instagram profile. There he was, laughing happily with her. “ You make me complete ! “, read the caption.
My brain reminisced the day I looked at it for the first time. That was probably what estrangement felt like. I dropped down on my knees and laid on the floor, crying and whimpering. My senses died down and for the first time in forever, I was at a loss for words. Every part of me, that was actually his, splintered into a trillion pieces. He was never mine. But the pain I perceived at that moment was one of death. And so I took out the final letter and penned, “Dear mine, you were never mine. I lost someone I never had “. I put it back into my collection of memories and resolved to send it to him.
Now, standing before the postbox, I tightened my grip on the humongous letter box, addressed as “ Box of love, pain and realization. From: Your anonymous lover “, and dropped it inside the postbox. I smiled as I walked away from it.